Loosing a Friend Still Hurts

I remember finding a old t-shirt of my best friend in my home after weeks had gone by. Did I make the right decision by telling him who I really was, inside. When my fear finally came to light, it hurt to see it really happen. There had been no fight, no misunderstanding, no drifting apart.

I owed him the truth about myself, or at least that's what I believed then. At the time, he said this truth would not change our friendship between us. whether it was a lie, or just something people say when they want to run from something they cannot handle. Would I have acted they same way towards him. That's something I won't be able to answer until the day comes around.

I would hope not. He would share how he was falling in love with Tammy. How their relationship made his mom proud. How the family also fell in love with her. And how they both went through their pregnancy scare together and when they sought out my advice. My memories of then, loosing a good, and trusted friend over my decision to be honest about our friendship.

Going from being his adopted older brother, to a third son of his mom, and jealous over Tammy all at the same time. Even though my feelings for this friendship had been close. I never thought of Keith in any other way than a brother!. Hiking, climbing trails, swimming in he creek with the other friends. I finally realized all I lost when I smelled his old t-shirt. Breathing in hard, trying to burn his order into into my soul. Some ten years after, I looked up one day and saw his face at my job. I froze. he was still so handsome, and didn't run away from me. I was so confused.

My hurt still lives in my heart, his smell still lives on my soul. How important is the "cause" to lose a golden friendship. Or should I have planned to have him find me with another in my bed? Would that have been easier?